It is living with the uncertainty that gets to us John. People continually ask me "how are you" for which I have no answer except for "alright" which is meaningless. It conveys nothing of how I am feeling. It is trite & unnecessary but I guess, makes others feel better. Hope you are feeling more positive today.
Though, even though much of your perceivable ‘support’ may feel only ethereal, I feel there are many more than you may realise who support you, if not only via empathy & camaraderie - many also from the type of heart that only socialists can feel from.. yes, not necessarily something you can feel physically, but, as the old phrase goes: “Hearts & Minds”… they are essential in changing the world. Wishing you all the very best. ✊🏼
And yes, I think a lot of it is Just World syndrome. "I'm a good, educated, clued-in, (etc.) person, I take care of myself, I follow the rules, and I have access to advanced medicine! I won't become get really sick, become disabled or chronically ill, get cancer, etc. Even if I'm massively unlucky and one of those things happens to me, there will be a quick solution."
You get sick.
"BUT. This sick person is like me! And they're not getting better in 2 weeks. Or 2 months. Or 2 years. Nonononono. Can't handle that. That means the same thing could happen to me, no matter how good I am, how carefully I watch my diet, how much I pray, etc. It's completely out of my control! (Yup) F**K. Nope. Nope. Nope. Can't be around you, don't wanna hear it" and/or, "You must have done something wrong, something that means you deserve this, b/c then I'm safe. So you're not someone I want to know."
We want you to stay, and we don't think you're a burden, at all! Please believe that!
However, I understand all too well every part of this post, except that I don't have cancer*. In 2008, at 33yo, I injured my back. Long story short, I've been too disabled to work ever since. I get it. Friends, partners, family fade away, or even worse, they don't believe us, blame us, abuse us. Even some of those who remain judge us, secretly or not-so-secretly.
Acquaintances, neighbours, the guy who mans the till at the shop, even doctors, doubt us, think we're exaggerating or faking. Even when they do believe us, "burden" is always there in the background, and much moreso since Covid arrived.
Strangers, the media, institutions, the medical system, the government... They all talk about us and treat us as burdens.
The worst part, at least for me and many others I've spoken to, is that, no matter how lefty and compassionate we are, many of us have been inculcated with the belief that if you can't work for a living, you have no value. You are a burden. We don't apply that belief to others, but to ourselves? It's poison, especially when it is continually reinforced by the outside world.
Don't believe the outside world, and if you're telling yourself that you're a burden, don't believe yourself, either!!
Much love.
*I nursed my Mum and my surrogate Mum through the end stages of colon cancer, and am supporting a very close friend through breast cancer right now, so I have some idea...
Keep hanging in there John. The world is a better place while your eyes still sparkle. x
It is living with the uncertainty that gets to us John. People continually ask me "how are you" for which I have no answer except for "alright" which is meaningless. It conveys nothing of how I am feeling. It is trite & unnecessary but I guess, makes others feel better. Hope you are feeling more positive today.
Sadly, spot on, John.
Though, even though much of your perceivable ‘support’ may feel only ethereal, I feel there are many more than you may realise who support you, if not only via empathy & camaraderie - many also from the type of heart that only socialists can feel from.. yes, not necessarily something you can feel physically, but, as the old phrase goes: “Hearts & Minds”… they are essential in changing the world. Wishing you all the very best. ✊🏼
And yes, I think a lot of it is Just World syndrome. "I'm a good, educated, clued-in, (etc.) person, I take care of myself, I follow the rules, and I have access to advanced medicine! I won't become get really sick, become disabled or chronically ill, get cancer, etc. Even if I'm massively unlucky and one of those things happens to me, there will be a quick solution."
You get sick.
"BUT. This sick person is like me! And they're not getting better in 2 weeks. Or 2 months. Or 2 years. Nonononono. Can't handle that. That means the same thing could happen to me, no matter how good I am, how carefully I watch my diet, how much I pray, etc. It's completely out of my control! (Yup) F**K. Nope. Nope. Nope. Can't be around you, don't wanna hear it" and/or, "You must have done something wrong, something that means you deserve this, b/c then I'm safe. So you're not someone I want to know."
We want you to stay, and we don't think you're a burden, at all! Please believe that!
However, I understand all too well every part of this post, except that I don't have cancer*. In 2008, at 33yo, I injured my back. Long story short, I've been too disabled to work ever since. I get it. Friends, partners, family fade away, or even worse, they don't believe us, blame us, abuse us. Even some of those who remain judge us, secretly or not-so-secretly.
Acquaintances, neighbours, the guy who mans the till at the shop, even doctors, doubt us, think we're exaggerating or faking. Even when they do believe us, "burden" is always there in the background, and much moreso since Covid arrived.
Strangers, the media, institutions, the medical system, the government... They all talk about us and treat us as burdens.
The worst part, at least for me and many others I've spoken to, is that, no matter how lefty and compassionate we are, many of us have been inculcated with the belief that if you can't work for a living, you have no value. You are a burden. We don't apply that belief to others, but to ourselves? It's poison, especially when it is continually reinforced by the outside world.
Don't believe the outside world, and if you're telling yourself that you're a burden, don't believe yourself, either!!
Much love.
*I nursed my Mum and my surrogate Mum through the end stages of colon cancer, and am supporting a very close friend through breast cancer right now, so I have some idea...